Tainted Love.

A rocketship into outerspace.

2006-08-05T18:51:48Z

I love myself because I'm not hungover. No headache, no sickness. Just a bit sore.

I think I'm dead.

Proper update later.

The computer desk.

The cleanest part of floor.

General shit.

Spooky. 3am. I think.

Emo Kid Polly.

Stevie making love to a chair and possibly the floor.

It's gonna taste great.

2006-07-30T14:15:51Z

I tried to update yesterday...but I couldn't.

So. Today. Good news. I'm moving into a lovely small bedroom at the back of the house away from everyone else. It's getting painted how I want it, and it's going to be quite wonderful. Colours I'm thinking: Dark purple. Grey. That's pretty much it.

Someone in the house is watching Big Brother very loudly. Hah. It reminds me of the plate throwing man.

I'm eating day old chinese take-out and drinking cold tea. This is far too depressing. What if this is what my life's gonna be like, forever. Shitty messy room. Cold take-out food and no proper heating. Oh dear.

Anyway. A little update on my adventure in Scotland. It was a family retreat. Which means, you take about six families and put them together in a house in the middle of nowhere for a week. It's kind of like Big Brother actually...

Myself, Mikes and Rhiannon sang the Frosties song at least twice a day. We stole the plinky-plonk and tapped out the tune, much to the delight of the two little 10-month-olod babies who were there with us. Luna and Iona-Rose were their names. We did lots of swimming in the lake. And lazing around. And singing. Mikes and I had a two man rave in a tent at about 3am.

Items needed for a two man rave:

One large torch.
One small torch.
Music.
One small tent.
Rain.
An owl.

Urgh. Update disturbed by sudden trip to DIY store. But it's okay. I have some new tester paint for my new bedroom. I chose cream, dark reddy red and dark purply red. I'm going to see what goes best. If it all looks horrible, I'll just cry or something.

Anyway. I look a bit scruffy. Tatty black jeans, knee length plain black tee. But you know. I decided that I don't care about the rest of the world. I'm comfy.

I should stop writing now. Because. I. Whatever. I don't know.

Harry Potters birthday is tomorrow.

I hate.

2006-07-18T01:19:21Z

My God. My mouth hurts so much. It's not toothache. It's mouthache. The roof of my mouth has been shredded to ribbons and I don't know how. Was it the chips from the movies? I don't know. Toast? Have I been sleepeating glass? Who knows. Like how I've been sleepclawing the wallpaper. That freaks me out. It makes me think I'm a crazy who needs to be locked in a padded cell.

Just tie the rope.

I can't eat/drink hot things. It hurts too much. It's just as well there's nothing in my fridge except soymilk, cheese and a pepper. That's the truth. I just checked. I'm not gonna complain about having no food though. I'm over that.

Parent/teacher conference today. Enough said to be honest.

I can't make my mind up about anything. I can't sleep. I'm. So. Confused. About everything. Down to which type of bath bubbles to use.

And kick the chair.

I've had my calm. Perhaps this is the beginning of the storm.

Mum was right. Don't go to the park in that skirt. You're showing too much leg, people'll get idas. No Mum, it's too hot for anything else (32 deg.C). I go to the park. I sit down under a tree to read. Seven minutes later.

Just leave me hanging there.

Well, hello darlin'.

I look up.

Eight teenage guys. Quite a few drunk.

Thoughts: Oh. Fuck.

Lucky escape. Only had to endure some slander about being frigid or whatever. Wasn't listening. Was concentrating on going back home.

I. I just hate other people.

Gasping for air.

I can't be bothered with this anymore. I've been blank for a year now. I'm a mass of nothing. I don't even know if that's possible. I can't say I don't feel anything anymore. I do. But not what I want to feel. I hate this. I love this. I crave this. I'm afraid of this.

I need this.

Guilty matchstick.

2006-07-15T04:14:05Z

Okay. The only reason I'm writing on this virtual paper in this 2D world is because my poor, horribly sunburned best friend is asleep upstairs in my room where I keep my actual diary. Which. You know. Is understandable since its 5am. I should probably start sleeping again.

And I need somewhere to write things. Because that's what I do when I'm alone, bored and in pain. I want a relaxing bath.

I have a headache the size of. Something big. Like the world, but bigger. Jupiter. Yes. Like Jupiter. And I swear, the next time AIM trys to get me to download their new update, I'll stab something with these scissors.

Something smells weird. The kind of weird that makes you want to be sick a little. It's annoying me. Goodness. All I ever do is complain. Perhaps I should tick off the good things in my life. Lets see.

Today, I'm going to visit my gorgeous baby brother Thomas. I adore him. Um. I don't have rabies or AIDS (and according to ~~Johnny and Eddy~~my English class, they're the only two diseases to be worried about). I have lovely slippers, and they keep my feet warm. I don't have any jumpers which fit, and for that I am thankful. I hate fitted sweaters. I found my stash of charcoal pencils earlier on today, which means I can go back to creating even creepier looking drawings. I have endless amounts of tea, and my eyes are the same colour.

I still feel sick. Perhaps I should eat more. Perhaps I should actually be sick. Who knows. I yawn. My soul tries to escape. I swallow him back down again. Mikes didn't believe me about the monster. Just tried to scare me when it got dark. I feel really, really sick. Its painful, and I don't like it. Perhaps if I remove my stomach I'll feel better. I've probably been eating too many toasted cheese sandwiches.

I should go. I'm hurting.

Turned away.

2006-07-13T23:58:48Z

I've been thinking for too long. Far too long.

I wish I had a warm, knee length grey and dark purple jumper. With sleeves that are too long. They make me feel so safe. I also wish I had a hat. A nice black beanie.

I feel a bit insane. It's not very nice. Like I said, I've been thinking for too long. I should probably just keep drinking smoothies and try and forget about things happening outside of this house. I need to get my cd back from Mikes. I'm going crazy without it. I mean sure, I have the entire album copied on my media player. But it's not the same. I like having my things in my room.

There texted her to tell her to bring it back.

Oh I hate feeling like crying when there's nothing actually wrong. Or perhaps everything's wrong and I'm subconsiously realising.

Him and his stupid, nasty, amazing, beautiful, emotional voice.

It seems this hypersensitivness is spreading.

I feel sick.

EDIT: Crazified layout. Now it hurts my head [:

Got annoyed with former subject.

2006-07-12T21:49:53Z

Hahaha.

I love RPers.

Random IM flashes up: "Hi, I heard you were great with sex scenes from this girl I know. So like. Wanna PSL?"

You people only want me for my ability to describe graphic sex.

I feel so used. But also, very appreciated.

I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of...

2006-07-11T15:34:29Z

Yum. Just noticed how visually delightful Jade is. Hence the using of his face for my icon. Now I feel like a little squee fangirl. Which is everything I hate. So. Dammit to hell.

In other news. Um. Jack is doing fine. He's asleep on my sofa. I'll go fiddle with him later. I love that bass. He's my best friend.

Oh goodness. I hate contact lenses. Hate hate hate. The same way that I hate cheap Martini. Do not mix Martini with orange juice. Do not mix Martini with mango and apple juice. Do not mix Martini with pineapple and coconut juice. It does not work, not unless you're desperate.

Like me.

Mmm. New Pirates film. I'm off to go and see it with Helen.

Good eve.

Yes [:

2006-07-10T02:15:04Z

Italy - Legends.

Okay, so that might not have been their best match. Most likley not at all. The French may have pulled it together better in the second half (despite their awful dive into the first half), but I'll be damned if I wasn't over the fucking moon at their victory!

I. Just. It was a classic game of football, y'know? It certainly held my attention fo every single minute. I was enthralled. Buffon, amazing. Simply amazing. Not to mention that tough little bit of effort put in by Cameronasi. Just. Ah goodness. The French didn't play as a team. The Italians did. That's pretty much it to be quite honest. It pulled them through in the end.

And what the fuck was going on with Zidane? Headbutting the opposition? IN HIS LAST MATCH EVER? I bed he wishes he were made of plastic right now so he could jump into a fire and melt. He lost the cup for his team, thats for sure. France might have had a chance if three of their best players hadn't been sent off before the shootout. I bet his country hates him.

Argh. I'm tired. More ranting tomorrow.

Baby thinkin' of you keeps me up all night.

2006-07-05T12:02:45Z

Happy Birthday to me.

So I'm sitting in the house. Alone. And cold. Feeling sick. Because that's what I do. Yeah.

Something smells of decay. It's really pissing me off. The smell arrived soon after my party finished. I think someone may have died at some point. Most likley Allan. He's small, emo and can't handle his alcohol.

I taste of blood and raspberries. Kinky.

More words later. Now, I sleep.

Even though its only just past 1pm.

Now, I sleep.

Yeah.

2006-06-29T21:04:21Z

My Chemical Romance.

First it was 'The Unwashed Look'.

Then 'The Dead Look'.

Now...now. Now it's 'The Scene Look'.

And it's all bloody Mikey Way's fault. With his fancy new eyes and his ~~greasy~~shiny new haircut. Hell. One of you needs to come back in time with me so we can find him and slap him up a bit before he undergoes his transformation. And force him to come out of the closet.

You know, as a member of the female sex it's kinda odd that I'm want all men I find attractive to be gay. Perhaps I'm a girl trapped in a boys body trapped in a girls body.

Whatever.

Smile?

2006-06-27T23:01:23Z

Yes. I have my AFI ticket. It is purple and has a shiny sticker on it which I am tempted to peel off. But can't because that would make it void. And there's nothing more heartbreaking than a void AFI ticket.

Fancy evening out tomorrow. Mass family birthday celebrations. Chinese food. I'm sad because I won't be able to get any sushi since it's not that kind of place. I'll be eating rice. And. Vegetables.

I got sick of having no clothes. I was reduced to a hoodie and a kimono. I shit you not. So, I did a load of washing. And then forgot about it. So now I have a pile of cold, wet clothes.

Be jealous.

Shot through the heart, And you're to blame, Darlin' you give love a bad name.

Dayum.

2006-06-26T20:19:55Z

Well. This is new. I've realised. I've got. Feelings

I hate the fact that I never see him because I'm never in school. I miss him. We were so close. I want it to be just us curled up on the sofa watching random old films and cuddling and kissing. And then falling asleep in his bed wrapped up together.

Oh. Shit.

This is everything I've worked against for so long.

My amazing plan to never fall for anyone ever again.

Has fucking failed.

Proper update comes later. For now...

2006-06-26T12:54:39Z

Wanna hit yourself in the face with a brick yet?

xtherealspiffx @ 2006-06-24T04:38:00

2006-06-24T03:55:10Z

4:38am.

All the energy I conserved for drinking myself to my grave is draining. Can't really last much longer. I'm going to have to sleep all day so I regain it all. Balls.

I've been disecting Haribo Starmix for about two hours now. And talking in French. I don't know who I've been having conversations with, because I'm by myself.

Oh Lord. The Haribo in my stomach are rebelling. They're poking my insides with their little spears and swords and battering rams. I need to go to sleep before I start hallucinating.

Whoaaaaaa-oooooohhhhhhh

2006-06-23T22:06:17Z

Wedding tomorrow. I feel horrible.

Dress. I want to wear my lovely black drapey catsuit. But no. You're not allowed to wear black for weddings. Black is a funeral colour. So now I'm going to look like a purple pixie. In fishnets. Hell.

Though I do have the after party to look forward to. Solid drinking for 7 hours in some bar in town. If I never update again, it's because I'm dead.

Violet.

2006-06-18T21:54:13Z

Sitting in the playroom eating Milky Bar dessert and drinking Snowballs. Existance is amazing right now. Or at least it would be, if it wasn't for this ridiculous 'music' that's currently raping my senses. Mmm. Changed.

Another Snowball please and thank you. I can't believe I'm drinking this. It looks like someone's regurgitated a load of custard into my glass. Hell. I'm desperate. Desperate people do desperate things.

I finally found the damn song. It was on the soundtrack of one of my PS2 games. And I didn't think to check the playlists in the options menu. Until a few hours ago. I love my stupidity.

Oh. Another thing. I got my sushi. My mother went out and bought me sushi. Good sushi. I sat down on the floor and didn't pay attention to anyone else in the room until I was finished. My God. It was beautiful.

Well.

2006-06-17T19:50:01Z

I have a half brother. He is called Thomas.

He has been in existance for 18 months.

And my Dad only told me about him today.

He should really stop having affairs.

Waste some time with you.

2006-06-16T12:58:09Z

House arrest. That's what this feels like.
I hate it. I hate, but at the same time I love it.

I could spend half an hour writing about everything. But I won't.
There's no point. I don't think I could make it make sense.

So, the face is a smile.

How are you?
I'm fine thanks *smile*.

Behind the face.
Who knows.

It's too complicated to comprehend anymore.
To difficult to put into words.

So I'm left with my bed.
Hoping.
Sleeping.
Dreaming.

That's all I do.
It's all I'm going to do.
It's all I can do.

Amazing.

2006-06-13T18:59:16Z

Well. This is what happens when I go to school.

I take schoolwork and incorporate (with the help of Davey) Pokemon into it.

Like the simple task of drawing out a fitting map associated with 'Lord of the Flies'. Don't judge me, my English class if full of ridiculously...uninspired....morons. Therefore, all we do is copy out work and write stories.

One boy likes to colour in pictures of cars.

One likes to sleep.

Another is sure that Davey has AIDS.

Anyway, back to the point. Togepi Island. We created it today. Screw Lord of the Flies.

This is a pokemon known as Togepi.

This is the first stage of the evolution of our island. We're not crap artists, we just had to be subtle.

Then, it just evolved into the entire island itself. Beautiful. Note the amazing mountain eyes and foresty underside. Not to mention the fire in it's left hand.

That is all. Have a nice day.

Roma.

2006-06-13T05:30:52Z

School.
Perhaps if I die they'll understand.

Well. I'm up early. Since my fucking phone decides to ring at 5am.
I'm hungry.
And. I would like some tea.
And. A decent pencil sharpener.

Mum's friend came round with a card and a book for me. Because I'm unwell. Or something. Perhaps she's just nice. It was wrapped in gorgeous pink paper though. Which I saved. And will someday make into an empire of my very own.

The sky is white. Sky. White. Strange? Not really. Something.

I'm not quite sure of anything.
Just. Even more so.

I feel sick.

School shirts all decide to shrink in the wash. I look. Like. An idiot.

It's not fair.

2006-06-12T15:30:22Z

He's too pretty.

And that makes me sad.

Yeeeeeah

2006-06-10T20:47:40Z

I don't remember what happened today.
And that's a very good thing. It means that they surved their purpose.
I can smell it.

So much better than alcohol.
And I've got Jaffa Cakes and lemon tea.

I love lemon tea. It helps keep me 'on the ball' so to speak.

Realised half the guys look like all the girls. Therefore. I think I'll be a boy. Just to shake things up a litte.

Lovely.

I'm so thirsty. Juice please?

Who wears short shorts?

2006-06-08T19:52:56Z

Migranes are not good.
I've been getting them at an increasing frequency.
They make me faint in chemistry lessons.
Which is not nice.
I disgust myself.

I want to sleep.

But I can't.

Well. At least I can be happy about the wedding. Stupid dress that I have to wear but don't even like. I'm not one to show off my body. But this bloody dress is. Fucking backless, slitty piece of crap. I'll fall out of it if I move. Won't that be hilarious.

-Hey man, check the half naked chick in the second row.
+Dude that fuckin' funny.
-You got the camera?
+Dude you picked it up before we left.
-Oh, right right. *clickFLASH* HA! I got a picture.
+Fuckin' sweet man.
-Totally dude.
.......
-You got anymore pot?

Ugh I'm over it.

Smiles.

2006-06-05T17:26:45Z

I'm. In pain.
And my contacts are misbehaving again.
Yoghurt. I forgot to get a spoon.
The kitchen is too far away.
Still not got any sushi.

My computer is making horrid noises.
Assassination attempt.
And I'm running out of lemon tea. This isn't good.
The lemon tea keeps me alive.

I don't like being in pain.
I feel like three days ago I was well and truly decked by rolling pins.
And now the dull, neverending ache has set in.

I got moved down in Maths.
Big trouble in German. C/W four months overdue.
Haven't started it.
Oh well.

*cries*

I went there. No orgasms were had. I was sad.

That is all thanks.

xtherealspiffx @ 2006-06-04T06:43:00

2006-06-04T05:43:48Z

We've decided that we're going to turn my bedroom into a Turkish Drug Den. With drapes and a pretty lamp. And many, many cushions and beanbag things. We being me and Josie. And Matt.
We'll live in there forever. And life will be sweet.

I have a horrible backache.

Pain.

I need more tea.